muse muses musings;

I'm giving up. I don't want to overthink and let myself into overdrive. It's not worth it. I think I'll settle for the superficial, at least it's on a high and there are no strings attached. Sorry, being modest and the nice guy don't cut it anymore. I don't feel anything already. I don't see the need to be real when I get shut off so easily.

Don't give me anymore shit, I'm not some switch you can flip whenever you feel like it.

And, I will move to Tumblr. This place will be on an indefinite hiatus.


So long and good night.

Hi. Wild weekend, and I don't see any signs of it stopping. But but, my wallet says otherwise. While the stubborn ego of mine doesn't really give a hoot.

I don't wanna be phunked anymore, it's just not healthy and it's certainly mindfucking. I just need an air of certainty and security now, that's all that matters.

SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY! STUPID SONG IS STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN.

I blog as and when I feel like it; not to pacify your sudden need of boredom. Get that right. I don't get where you're coming from, and I really cannot tolerate your senseless logic.

Anyway, I shall not digress too much. My hunger pangs are starting to get the better of me, but I think it's rather deserving given that I don't really get my sweet tooth craving cause I'm stuck in camp for like, most of the time!

And oh! Backpacking is back on the agenda. Can't wait to complete my NS stint so that I can finally realize one of my dreams, like finally! While at that, I'd better borrow someone's DSLR to snap on the way, even though I'm not such a pro-cameraist.

Right. I'm real tired now. Haven't had much rest now but that's gonna change for one night I guess. Gonna hit the sack and help me dad with the chores before he gets another chance to unleash a verbal furore on me. Till then.

I can't stand it when my face betrays me! Has anyone else experienced this as well, when you want to be seen as such, but your facial expression just decides to be a bitch and throw another look? It certainly has for me.

No wonder models spend 489712894724 hours in front of the freaking glass mirror in a bid to perfect their 'perfect' looks.

I think I'm losing my soul too, save me. But I don't really want to feel anything more as well, just numb me with something sweet and intoxicating, I could care less.


Keep me (in)sane.


"Sometimes the life you have isn't the one you want."

More unexpected news.

Whatever it is, do be strong okay please. I WILL be there for you, I'll try even though I may seem detached at times and yea, now is not exactly the best period of my life as well.

You won't read this, but I'll keep you in my prayers and heart/soul/mind/whatever.

I don't want anything more to happen. I need my closure for the week now. Too much has happened.

I saw the mother ruffle her dearest's hair.

An open display of love. No communication barriers; no breakdown, no ulterior motives; no nothing, just plain affection.

I just watched, and wanted to cry out loud bemoaning the circumstances.


I wish I had this much of a fulfilling relationship with my own.

The news I received last weekend was a bombshell; far from what I expected. Selfishly, I was excited. But after that the reality came to me like a brain freeze.

I just hope that everything will work out. Relations are getting rather chilly and will definitely strain out over the next few days, weeks, months..

Being the over-zealous himbo that I am, I couldn't control my fingers and tweeted about it and telling some of my friends. Big mistake. I actually had to lie to one of them to stop him from probing further. But I had to do it. No other alternative, I'm just not prepared to risk inciting anything stupid due to my foolhardiness.

That day was just a total wreck. When I received that text message, I felt slightly heartbroken. I just wanted to be there for you. But thanks to ___, I can't. But even now, I don't think I'm doing much. But I'll try, as best as I can to help.

Even though my faith is much worse for wear, I believe that the One up above will help in this uncertain times. Thank You very much, seriously.

No more hiccups please, and yes I'll be anticipating the good times when it finally ends.

I never thought the day would come when I
Would be the poison in the pen I use to write
You said you were alone in somewhat of a nervous tone
I guess it was the blank look on your face that was so easy to replace

So then I went and drank myself into an idiot all through the night
Recounting all my paranoid and selfish thoughts but I was right

I made a space for you inside my soul
And let my feelings kill the part that I control
So part of you was me, neglectful maybe cold it seemed
Despite having the wounds we both imbibe, the scars are
somewhere we can't hide

I then stayed up for two more years just thinking of the sacrifice you made
Indifferent to the reason so apparent in the pain
I polished off another drink and taught myself to numb and drift away
For one more night so I could justify the day

So now I entertain the thought of going on all alone
But you are all the life I've ever known

I swear one day I'll get it back something that is already dead and gone
Again i see the trumpet player looking for his song
Don't worry I won't follow you, that part of me is learning to let go
What was a space is like a cancer in my soul

Epic song for now. 4 hours to book in.

P.s. - I'm having recurring death-themed dreams a lot for the past and this week. Is it signifying something bad?

I may be on the brink of losing it soon.

HELLO. TO WHOEVER WHO IS READING. I LIKE PEANUTS. AND CAKES. AND SALTY SHAKER FRIES WHILE YOU ARE IT TOO THANKS.

Recently I've had quite a few epiphanies. Not surprising to say the least but they just came flooding to my mind all of a sudden. Which leads me to want to sort out my dishevelled life ASAP.

My current state:
;Disorganised
;No clear direction as of yet
;Sloppy
;Hopelessly sluggard
;Antipathic

OH GAWRD I REALLY HAVE LOST MY PANACHE FOR WRITING AND THINKING ON HOW TO PHRASE THEEENGS. To put a more stern and abstract effect, I REALLY FUCKING AM PISSED NOW. YES I CANT EVEN STRING A FEW LINERS TO SAVE MY LIFE NOW! Okay. I'm not angry till the point where the mercury splurts out of the 100deg mark, just plainly exasperated.

Yes you heard it, I'm sick of this 5/5.5 work job thingy.

I think I'll go down a bucket of sugar now and twist my fingers till they snap.